SJCS MANILA BATCH 82 HOMEPAGE

February 7, 2009

[NOTES FROM YLB : even for our standards, this rambling is quite eccentric, we dont usually try to make an email too personal, you know , we try to make it general para lahat makarelate, but sometimes we can't help it. . . pasensya na po kayo if our posts have become a bit more frequent, siguro nga as a Canadian batchmate has opined, we are becoming lonelier as of late, a trip back home has only made this more obvious... The counter - comment about that movie we werent allowed to see ( pls refer to SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN ) is one of the few corroborations / confirmations of memories long-thought-lost, its a nice feeling to hear hey I remember that too? ... thanks for that kabatch. ]

Dear batchmates, batch and kabatch,

JUST LAST NIGHT, we woke up sobbing and sad, with the dispersing stardusts of our dream ( not really a nightmare ) slipping through our fingers. We tried asap to go back to sleep to see what it was that had bothered us so much. This was hard, cuz it was obviously a disturbing panaginip, yet in a moment inspired by introspection, we wanted to know what constituted trauma for us.

. . .am not 100% sure, but it had to do with separation, from a loved one or a comfortable place. Previously, we had dreamt of being separated from the ex ( something that really happened ), which was weird because not only had we gotten over it , we had not spoken with her at length for years and years now. A bit more painful were dreams of being estranged from the kidz, a protracted and uncomfortable distancing that mirrored reality but with more angst, "sisihan" and finality. Dun ako madalas napapahagulgol, so we guess last night's dream was one of those dreams.

We find that as we age, more and more memories from forgotten episodes of our lives come back as idealized (meaning: we fancifully recreate our self-image in the best way possible), recombined (seemingly unrelated scenes put together in a symbolically bagay way) and subjectively updated (as in, our usual frustrations and failures evolve into contentments and success) . . .more often than not, these "pirated" memories come back in the form of dreams or daydreams.

While we have had a more or less happy childhood, untainted by major upheavals and serious damage to both the physical and psychological, there have been isolated incidents that have left their mark on us, and probably delivered a lasting effect on who we are today. We subscribe to the view (docs, psychologists and counselors among batchmates, please confirm or correct ) that while we prefer to dwell on the positive and feel-good moments of our lives, it is the negative and traumatic that leave enduring impressions on our psyche.

sometimes, little hurts and small slights that visited us early in life, though seemingly forgotten and abandoned in the furthest corridors of our cavernous minds, become magnified and allegorical (accurately representing themes and attributes important to our personality), defying most that is logical and commonsensical, and yet we can't explain why. At least, this is YLB's interpretation of some memories that have been filed in that subfolder called "Unresolved Self Pity" that, if not for emails / posts like these, would otherwise have never seen the light of day.

One of our earliest such reveries (if you can call them that) is an early elem Chinese teacher asking us where our writing notebook was, that all too suddenly, became the most important part of our school supplies. Instead of saying wang ji tai lai, or liu zai jia li, which meant we left it at home, we answered, "hui jia" (go home), which frankly was what we wanted to do. To which the teacher countered, "oho, so your notebook went home?" which brought giggles and guffaws from the rest of the class. To date, that was our most lacerating and injurious memory of our young life, permanently etched in our store of memories, and most assuredly condemning Chinese advisors to a most hurtful, spiteful specie of humans.

This was probably why, during a batch Christmas party early this century, we inexplicably shied away from a group of Chinese teachers the officers thoughtfully invited to the event. We wanted to tell them a lot of things: how we appreciated learning the nuances (not just the actual language) of Chinese accent and idiom from them, how much more we enjoyed Chinese movies (not just the martial arts genre) because of their commentary, and how easy it would be for us to work in either Taiwan or Hongkong if ever the need arose. And yet, we avoided talking to them, even when one teacher identified me (Kuang Yi Wan ! with pointed finger ) from about 15 feet away. We regretted not reconnecting with them, but it was probably our inner child screaming lets get scarce, amigo despite the crying need for resolution and closure.

Another time in 1980, don't know if we mentioned this before, a holdupper pointed a small knife to the neck of JasonYung (a 6E memorable and Thursday buddy) while we were walking on CM Recto, in broad daylight, with his arm around Jason as if they were chums, yanked off his necklace and pendant, and calmly walked away. We were transfixed and couldn't do a thing, while Jason, though shaken, nonchalantly chalked it up to the hazards of Judenites walking around in Sampaloc (given our looks and uniforms, we were an easy mark, we suppose).

Often, many long years after the event, we dreamt WE were the one accosted and assaulted on U-Belt, with all our valuables divested from our person, only this time its cash, celfones, iPods, things that never existed then but were just the same taken from us. Kapag minamalas, the knife finds its way into our collarbone, which we weirdly can't dislodge while the baddie snickers away. Wonder if Jason still remembers. Oddly enough, we occasionally find the time to walk down that famous Thursday afternoon haunt, enjoy the sights (the bookstands that sell 2nd hand books, the cheap burger places, and the seedy moviehouses with the musty ambience) But the memory from that dream fails to resurface at the place where it was born.

Heto pa ang isa. dont know if we were just makulet or couldnt get the message, but it took a Dear John letter from one of the last people we fancied in HS to tell us with finality na sorry, binabasted na po kita. To our face, she was still pleasant and engaging, but she had already probably made her choice long before and was just too polite not to give us the time of day. The rest of the day was still sunny, but it mightve been stormy, dreary and PAGASA Signal # 3 for all we cared, for that was how we felt for eternity, or at least the next great love. Even then, YOUNGSHI and YOUNGWANG knew better than to interrupt wallowing in our favorite abyss of temporary despair.

But each time we had a romance - related dream, for the next 3 decades (and to this day), it usually ended with a letter telling us you're nice, im flattered by your attention and all that, but we're just not meant to be. Ganun madalas ang drama ng valentine bangungot ko. Can't help but attribute all of them to that unfortunate, but instructive scene all those years go. Instructive in that we know better than to expect happiness and joy in all our attempts at life. How cynical, and yet how pragmatic.

Thanks for the memories.
YLB


Chinese Name Quiz # 2. Good day contestants! We expand the 2nd quiz to 10 names:

Chen Jie Zhi - the last word has to do with intelligence, having the "knowledge" root word; I think he was a CAT officer... hope the surname is correct !

Zheng An Li / Wu An Li - the tukayos in Chinese names also share similar Christian names, both former batch officers . . . a dead giveaway !

Hong Shan Shan - the name is common but this batchmate is not . . . one of our 6-E memorables !

Lin Jue Ying - one of my favorites, the last word reminds me of the word for "eagle", clue is her surname is Filipino sounding !

Wu Wan Rong - another very popular overachiever, like Zheng Fu Ming first-place or near the top in almost every aspect of school life... the last word, which has to do with "glory" I think, is also very apt !

Cai Li Si - One of the most beautiful names Ive come across, it is phonetically and etymologically pleasing. Sec.A in elementary through and through.

Cai Ming Yao - Sorry, am not 100% with the surname but the given name resounds in my memory. A batch dignitary and one of the most outstanding minds of the batch.

Zhang Ren Feng - part of his name, which refers to fruitfulness or prosperity, is another example of a name that suits him and his success.

Zhuang An Ran - a common practice of our folks was choosing Chinese and Christian names that sound like each other, I dont know if it was intentional . . . THAT should be a humongous clue.

Wei Zhao Min - She is Stateside, has a Filipino sounding surname, and remains one of the warmest and friendliest batchmates I know. Those clues should be enough.

Shi Qi Ying - Then and now, we loved the way her accent and voice punctuated her academic and oratorical excellence. Another batch officer.

Answers next post, or when someone publicly posts a perfect score, whichever comes first... Sorry to say, most of the names belong to our classmates in elementary (1-A to 5-A, 6-E) and high school (1-A, 2-C and 4-B). Cant quite recall other names na. Please contribute if you have any, and thanks again for taking part. And thanks to KUYACHAT for translating his name !